My Story pt 3

So....Okay, I'm now labeled.....I'm "BIPOLAR"  What the fuck am I supposed to do with this? It's all I can think, it's all that goes through my head. The way it's been explained to me, I now realize this is what other's were struggling through in my family. I heard the judgement and ridicule that went on behind their backs, ya know, what everyone was "REALLY!!" thinking about them. THEY WERE FUCKING CRAZY! Plain and simple, and I just knew that's what everyone was saying about me, too.  Only now there was no fighting them now, it was true, and you can't fight the truth.  Then everything blurrs again.....meth, meth, meth, alcohol, pills, alcohol, meth, weed, meth, alcohol, pills, meth, meth, pills, pills......etc., I think you get the picture I'm painting.......BANG!!! NUTHOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!   HERE I AM SMACK DAB IN ONE!!!! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!??? I WAS JUST ON THE OUTSIDE!?!?  I couldn't believe I was in this place. I couldn't focus on all the "get better" bullshit the proverbial "THEY" were shoving down my throat. There were people on the outside who knew me and those people now knew I was officially nutty, so nutty in fact that I was in the house of nuts.....oh my LORD, how in the hell was I ever gonna face any of them again. I spent that mother's day in the hospital. My mother and stepfather ( a wonderful guy) brought my husband and kids to see me. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Facing my kids when they were buzzed in, watching their little faces take in all the other fucking nuts.....to this day I still can feel the humiliation I thought I was feeling @ that moment.  Ruined me for any and all mother's days from there on out, sad I know, but don't cry for me! LOL.  I spent 14 days in the hospital, which isn't much  for most, but for me ( and this is my story and only my story please remember that) it was an eternity. When I was finally released, I had learned nothing about myself or the disease, I came out only with an even more exaggerated feeling of shame and embarrassment, and on some serious medications!! This is all I have time for tonite, I must now go to work. If  I've captured your curiosity, stay tuned, I'll get it all out, but like me, it's a work in progress.   Later.


APILL